Panic! Disorder

Panic Disorder!!!!!!!!

Although I mainly cover my diagnosis of Bipolar Type 1 Disorder, I also cover co-morbid conditions I have. According to this Psychiatric Times Journal Article, 95% of Bipolar patients met the criteria for THREE OR MORE co-morbid psychiatric illnesses. NINETY-FIVE percent! Nearly all of us with Bipolar have other psychiatric conditions as well.

Many of you reading this are like me. We have a multitude of illnesses that would be the devil to beat on their own, much less combined into a Death Team in our minds, constantly yelling inaccurate and false information to ourselves in our minds

Today, however, I am going to address Panic Disorder. Panic Disorder ranks #3 in my most distressing disorders (Bipolar and OCD rank 1 and 2, sometimes switching places). Panic disorder means you have panic attacks. You can have them for no reason at all, or for a certain reason. For me, there is no rhyme or reasons for the most part. I have intense attacks when I am doing something relatively low key, like watching Bob Ross paint happy little trees on TV, or on a fun outing at the Zoo with my family. There really is no sense to me of how my attacks happens. It's like watching 'Jaws'. You're on a boat, relaxing, and suddenly a huge ass shark flops on your boat and bites your legs off for no apparent reason.

What is a panic attack?

A panic attack is an intense wave of anxiety or fear that rushes over you. Some people have different symptoms. I get an ice-cold shot of adrenaline (which is the worse of the feelings, in my opinion), my heart begins racing/pounding especially fast and hard, and I feel like I can't breathe normally. I may get a little dizzy or light-headed. My heart continues to pound like I just ran a marathon. I break out in a cold sweat. My breathing may become labored. I feel like I'm having a heart attack, or ready to pass out. The sensations themselves are frightening, and usually last between 5 minutes to 30 minutes, depending on the severity. Xanax helps calm these bad boys down. I try not to become too reliant on Xanax, and I try to distract myself or calm myself down. It works sometimes, and sometimes it doesn't. Panic attacks will always go away eventually. The worse bout of panic I had was about 36 hours of non-stop attacks. At that point, I wasn't taking anything for anxiety, just Bipolar. I was given Xanax to break the cycle, which it did. That has only happened once, where it just seemed non-stop.

Panic attacks can snowball into a fear of panic attacks. If you're like me, you slowly start to become a hermit. You are afraid of going out of your house because you might have a distressing panic attack. This is where you turn into an agoraphobic: someone afraid to leave their house. I have struggled with mild agoraphobia before, which is another post. That is why Panic Disorder is so distressing. The best way I have found for dealing with Panic Disorder (besides benzos) is to acknowledge that I am having a panic attack. They are easy to identify. I just think, "Ok, I am having the beginnings of a panic attack and I will be fine in a few moments."I repeat this to myself over and over, and eventually the panic attack will cease. I have found running away from the situation I am in while having a panic attack makes my panic disorder worse in the long run. The next time I am in that situation, I will get another panic attack, sometimes worse. Therefore, I try not to leave where I am having the panic attack, whether it's a store, someone's house, or my own bedroom. I don't always succeed in staying in place. I have had panic attacks in bed as I'm trying to sleep, and sometimes I felt so suffocated that I moved into the living room and slept on the floor with the ceiling fan on. You just sort of do the best you can. Each panic attack is an opportunity to defeat the disorder a little more. Don't get discouraged if you have setbacks. Except setbacks to happen, especially with a disorder like this.

Panic attacks tend to vary in frequency for me, and tend to accompany Mania. Some days I will log 15-20 panic attacks, then go a month without one. It just depends on the person. If they are too severe, my psychiatrist and I will discuss the risks of a manic episode versus an anti-depressant to help with the attacks. Sometimes I risk it, sometimes I don't.

Panic disorder is hell to live with. You never know when it's going to explode out from inside of you, like that guy in 'Alien.' Just know that you are not alone if you are experiencing these distressing episodes. It's always best to talk to a doctor if you think you are having panic, although a frequent way of being diagnosed is going to an ER for chest pains (happened to me several times). I can encourage you that medication can help tremendously with panic attacks as well as CBT. I have found that a combination of medication and CBT is the most effective. If I had to choose between the two, though,  I'd choose medication. Anti-depressants usually resolve panic for me (pre-bipolar dx) after about 6-8 weeks of taking them. My current mood stabilizers seems to slightly help panic. Otherwise, I am using benzos, CBT and rigorous exercise to help. It never completely goes away, but I have had months-long debilitating episodes of panic attacks and months-long without panic attacks.

The best way I cope with them is to accept them and try to move on. Logging them is also helpful I have found, for it can help you see any triggers. I learned from logging my attacks that they are spontaneous for the most part, but have a slightly higher frequency of happening in crowded places such as a busy store or a packed bus. It may be helpful for you to log your symptoms, too. I recommend logging any symptoms associated with mental illness. I strongly believe that tracking and logging symptoms will eventually help you understand how your mind is working (against you, in this case).