Off to see the Anxiety/OCD Wizard!

My anxiety has been so off the charts lately that I've been questioning the level of treatment I am getting at my current psychiatrist's office (where I also see a counselor). My fear of change has kept me from seeing another mental health professional because I feel like I'm betraying my doctor and counselor.

But the truth of it is, I've been doubting my current treatments. My anxiety is off the charts. When I say "anxiety" to my current psychiatrist, he ups my dose of benzos. I hate taking benzos on a daily basis. I've gone back on sleeping pills this week just to take the edge off and get some rest. They worked for a few days, and stopped working again last night. I have a huge med hangover this morning. I had to pop half a Depakote at 11 last night to fall asleep.

I feel like a mess. My current doctor hasn't really taken my concerns about weight gain on anti-psychotics seriously, and he doesn't want to put me on an anti-depressant for OCD and anxiety. I get that because I'm bipolar, but I could really use some help in the anxiety-OCD department.

I did some research on specialists in anxiety disorders and OCD. I live in a small city with top universities, and I figured one of them has got to have some type of mental health branch.

I was right.

I found a university with an OCD-Anxiety clinic. I was floored. I checked out the website, and that is literally all they deal with (also will work with co-morbid conditions like bipolar). It took me several days to get up the courage to make a phone call. The receptionist was very nice. She asked me why I was calling. I told her anxiety and OCD have taken over my life the past few months, and that I needed more help than I was getting from my current mental health team. We agreed on an appointment time, which is this afternoon at 2:30. I have to drive an hour away, but I know it's worth it. When I get there, the receptionist told me to be prepared to be evaluated for an hour before my actual session starts. That includes paperwork and a meeting with some type of professional. Then, once I get past the gatekeeper (as I like to call it), I get to meet the specialist.

I am looking forward to this meeting. I have gotten to the point where I am tired of my anxiety and OCD kicking my ass. My current psychiatrist and counselor hear "manic" when I talk of anxiety. They focus on my racing thoughts, nervous energy...to them, everything I have is bipolar disorder. I disagree. I have been diagnosed with GAD and panic disorder as well, but they seem not to focus on that too much.

Honestly, anxiety and OCD are my most distressing problems. I can deal with my mood swings. I have family that helps me monitor my moods and provide me with feedback. I keep a mood tracker. I am on mood stabilizers.

Hopefully, this OCD-anxiety specialist hears "anxiety" and "OCD" and doesn't stop listening once she reads I have Bipolar Disorder. Not everything I go through is Bipolar-related.

I am optimistic; I will post an update later about the meeting.